LifePundit

S. C. Not Last (for once) in Something Education-Related

If you're at all interested in single-gender education, you may find this story interesting. Don't read the story, just scroll down to the video. Notice how the commentator says with great surprise, "Here's a story about South Carolina not being last in something...." (Those may not be exact words but are close.)

If you make it through to the last 30 seconds of the video, you'll see Lily several times. She's the beautiful one who's smiling.

That's what's so wonderful. She gets up in the morning before we do, gets dressed, comes downstairs and plays Reveille on the piano to wake us up. She's all set to go. She's almost 13, and she's in a hurry to get to school.

Ready without any parental prompting and excited about school. And she's smiling.

More Good News About Single-Gender Middle Schools

Lily's single-gender middle school has been such a success that a neighboring district has started its own single-gender program. Today's The State newspaper reports:

Single-gender classes are popular with students in South Carolina public schools who are enrolled in them, a survey released Tuesday by the state Department of Education shows.

Boys and girls alike say the experience makes school more interesting and inspires confidence that they can earn good grades. (Emphasis mine.) Minority students were among the most enthusiastic, the agency said.

You can read the rest of the article here. The photo above is from the article and is of the new school, not Lily's. The girl on the right hand side is one of Lily's riding buddies.

Slapping Matthew and Single-Gender Schools

Lily has been in her single-gender magnet public school (actually, there's also a program for boys so it's really a double-gender, single-gender approach but who would know what that means?) for slightly over a year now. It's the best decision we've ever made.

Here's a recent conversation:

Lily: I'm going to be really sad when I get out of eighth grade next year.

Me: Why?

Lily: Everybody is so nice here. Even the mean people.

At her fancy private school (the one we pulled her out of last year mid-year) the mean people were actually mean. Go figure.

In fact, there was a mean boy who was just rude to all the girls. He must have had a terrible crush on them all and didn't have a clue what to do about it, though try to explain that to any of the girls. "He's just mean and rude," they'd say.

He would stand in front of Lily's locker and intentionally block her access. When she'd ask him to move, he'd say things like, "Loser" as he slowly stepped out of the way. That's not why we pulled her out of school, left half-a-year's fully paid tuition on the table, bought property in the other school district so we could apply for admission, paid tuition for the public school in the other district and had to get her admitted to the magnet program. (And if you think any of this means we have lots of money, you're wrong.) Here's why we pulled her out of an excellent school and chose a single-gender school.

But, before she left the private school, she had a fantasy. She was going to slap Matthew on her last day at school when he blocked her from getting to her locker. All the girls were thrilled. They talked about it for weeks. "Lily's going to slap Matthew!" Vigilante justice. There were phone calls. Much scheming. "Lily's going to slap Matthew!"

At the time, my father was in the hospital looking like death and not far from it. We went to visit him. Lily told him, "I'm going to slap Matthew on my last day of school." My father, of course, was all for this.

"Do you know how to slap somebody?" he asked.

She demonstrated her technique. My father gave her some pointers, and there in his hospital bed with tubes and monitors tying him down like Gulliver in Lilliput, he showed her how she needed to bring her arm back as far as she could before letting go as hard as she can. He showed her how to hold her hand to inflict maximum pain.

Then he said, "Okay. You've slapped him. Now what are you going to do?"

Lily thought about this for a minute. "Run?"

"Yes. Run. And run fast. 'Cause if you slap somebody, you'd better be sure you're ready in case they slap you back."

Lily decided that Matthew would be too shocked to slap her back since she had tolerated his insults graciously for years. Plus, her friends were all going to be there.

I was probably not a very good mother in all this, as I didn't forbid it. Sometimes, people just need slapping. Especially uppity Southern aristocratic boys who have forgotten (or never knew) their manners. (See "Gone with the Wind.") Still, I should have said something, though I probably still wouldn't.

There was great anticipation among the girls on Lily's last day of school. Matthew was going to get slapped.

Only, since it was her last day, the cafeteria gave her a cake and everybody sang a song about how they would miss her. All the teachers made a big deal of her departure and how much she'd be missed. And even Matthew was nice.

"I was all set to slap him, but he was all nice."

Oh well. At least she's got the technique down.

Why Single-Gender Education is Great for Middle-Schoolers

Thanks to Lori for pointing out this article to me about how South Carolina Leads in Single-Gender Education. It's always a welcome surprise to see my home state leading in anything beyond syphilis, teenage pregnancy or heart disease.

Though I have tried desperately to be anonymous and cagey on this blog, I'm not good at keeping secrets. Lily goes to the school mentioned in the article. And sending her there was the best thing we ever did. EVER!

Remember how confusing middle school was? You couldn't even trust your own body. So much to deal with, so few skills to even begin to cope. What if you could make it easy by taking out boys (or girls) in the classroom and gear teaching to the way you learn? What if the main thing you learned was to trust yourself and your own ability to make good decisions? Can there be a better preparation for high school -- or life?

Lily had gone to an excellent private school since kindergarten. In the lower school years our parent-teacher conferences would sometimes include remarks by the teacher that "Lily needs to let the other children answer the questions once in a while."

So, last year in sixth grade, we were blown away in the parent-teacher conferences when all the teachers talked about how that although Lily knows exactly what is going on in class, she will not talk or participate unless called upon.

Our girl no longer believed that she could trust herself to believe the things she knew to be true.

I went to a woman's college and it was a wonderful thing for me. And when I was a writer at the ad agency, I had a woman's college account. I am well versed in the research about the advantages of a single-gender education, especially for young women.

When our daughter lost her voice, I knew where she could find it: In a single-gender environment.

I read Why Gender Matters I love this bookby Leonard Sax and knew we were on the right track. (Parents of boys: he has a new book out, Boys Adrift Another good one)

We had already paid the monstrous tuition for the private school, and the only single-gender middle school that existed last year was in another district, so we had to find and buy land there, pay tuition to the public school and get Lily admitted to the magnet program.

We did it all -- and it was the best thing we've ever done. (Funny detail: we bought our property from another family in our district whose daughter was finishing the single-gender program in the other district so they no longer needed it....)

Lily transferred mid-year, starting after Christmas. When I picked her up the first day I asked her what she learned. She said, "I learned about hair weaves and extensions." No doubt that is something we all need to know more about. She was clearly enjoying being with a wide variety of girls.

I think she had her voice back in within a week. When a friend from the private school asked what it was like, Lily said, "It's like going to school with all your best friends. We talk and laugh and have a wonderful time in class."

I think it's possible that they are learning, too. Not just the stuff you have to know to move on to the next step, but things that are really important, such as what you believe matters.