LifePundit

News that Makes Me Tired

I feel like I should feel sympathetic for somebody about this bit of news that a woman was inconvenienced and pained when the TSA required her to remove her nipple rings before boarding a flight. They had to lend her pliers and it supposedly hurt. On the one hand, this is America and if somebody wants to mutilate her body I guess that's none of my business. On the other hand, something about nipple rings makes me hurt just to hear about them, so it's hard to feel tremendous sympathy that it hurt to take them out. And then to have all these TSA people tied up in this business, and now they're going to change the laws to make them more accommodating to people with hidden piercings.

Look, if Anwyn can't carry her son's pre-packaged puddings on a plane without harassment, why can't they just make a law that you don't wear your TMI piercings on a plane? If you've got a metal plate in your head to keep your brains from falling out, that's one thing. If your brains have already fallen out and you have nipple piercings, take them out before you get to the airport so you won't set the metal detector off. You knew you were going through a metal detector. Did you just need to show somebody your piercings?

Should It Matter if You Make a Grunting Noise on the Tennis Court?

A girl in Australia has been told she can't continue to place tennis at her club if she keeps up the grunting sounds while she plays. Here's an excerpt from Fox:

(Her father says) "There's no rule against it, so they've made a rule against it."

 

Edwards said the club had asked him for an assurance Lauryn would remain silent on the court.

 

"They told me to guarantee she won't grunt or she can't play," he said.

 

"How can I guarantee that? She's been doing it since she was really little. She's her own person. What do they want me to do? Put Band-Aids over her mouth? They made her cry on the court when they told her."

 

Lauryn, who has attention deficit disorder, has been playing tennis since the age of four, after it was recommended by her school psychologist at Sunbury Primary to burn energy and keep her focused.

 

Dubbed Lauryn Sharapova by an old coach, she said she played better when grunting.

 

"It feels natural to do my noise. I'm not faking it," Lauryn said. "It makes me play better. When I don't do it, I don't play my best tennis. And now people have told me I can't play if I do it."

Oh, PLEASE! If I were really nice this post would read: What!? They're telling an 8-year-old girl she can't make obnoxious grunting noises on the tennis court while she plays?

Her parents should sue them for damaging her self-esteem and some kind of restraint-of-play thing. It's just awful. You can't make guttural sounds on the tennis court when you play? This is against all human dignity. Plus she's got ADD -- you people are just cruel.

But instead, I'm going to say, "Can you make that universal?" Aerobics instructors shouldn't squeal. And tennis players shouldn't grunt.

Do surgeons need to make odd, offensive noises while they operate? Do dressage riders have to grunt when they're asking for a really hard movement (the answer is "no" and they'd be penalized if they did)? Shut up on the tennis courts, okay? All of you. If you get hit in the belly really, really hard, then, okay. You can grunt. But otherwise, how about restoring some class and dignity to the game?

Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

Yes, folks. This is a real photo. Some people down in Sun City (near Hilton Head, S.C.) were cooking chicken Teriyaki and this gator invited himself to dinner.

There are lots of alligators in S.C. They came off of the endangered species list in 1987. Now there's legislation being introduced that would allow people to hunt alligators. You can read the story in The State newspaper, which is where I got the photo.

Does this mean we're going to be treated to TV shows imitating The Crocodile Hunter, only with Bubba, the alligator hunter? (Could be fun!) Sometimes it's fun to watch Bubba go after fire ants. I'm rooting for him!

I'm all for preserving endangered species and all that, but I'm less generous when it comes to species that eat people. I mean, should we have saved the dinosaurs? I have ranted about this before here. So I'll stop mid-rant now and go walk my lame horse.

A Whiner without a Cause

I didn't even have to go to the DMV. Even found a parking place with money left on the meter (which was good because I was so excited about finding a parking place that I forgot to put money in the meter to begin with).

Had to stand in two lines at the county administration building. Once in the Line for Dummies Who Can't Find Their Tax Notice, which was uneventful in spite of the enormous problems of those in front of me (including the inability to speak English), and then in the Line for People Who Waited Till the Last Moment. The second line was very fast. And they gave me everything I needed so I didn't even have to go to the Highway Department.

And now the horses are moving around and looking like things may be moving along in their guts (they were lying down when I left this morning). Ah me.

God does look after fools.

Now, back to making/finishing my valances. Will have pictures. 2008 will not find me with an un-done sewing project.

Why Did I Procrastinate?

The horses broke into the hay garage last night and ate several belly-fulls of hay. This could lead to a vet bill later in the day, or worse. If you and I overeat, we just hurt and regret for a while. If a horse overeats, their long digestive tract can get impacted. This is the number one cause of death in horses -- it's called "colic."

They literally pushed their way into the hay garage. Bent the chain to the point that one of the chain links opened enough to let the clasp slip through. Popped the twine that was tied around the gates as a double precaution.

Pigs. Strong pigs. Two-horsepower forces of destruction. So now I'm on a colic watch.

Except I'm not. I've got to go to the county tax office and pay taxes on my truck, then go to the DMV and get a new license tag sticker.

Why did I procrastinate? New Year's eve at the tax office and the DMV. Somebody slap me. Though I guess going is punishment enough.

Lily will keep the colic watch while I am gone. So far the horses are napping in the sun. If they start rolling or biting at their sides, she'll call me and I'll have to call the vet. They drank water. That's good. They get bran mash tonight, or maybe tomorrow.

While I'm out I may get a high-tech bicycle lock for the hay gate.

Christmas Tradition

I should have seen it coming. It's a Christmas tradition. My father just called (it's 3:00 p.m. my time) to ask me to go Christmas shopping for him to get something for my mother.

Now, this is his 95th Christmas. Surely he could see it coming. And his driver came today and took him places. Surely they could have picked up something in their 80-mile trip. Mama is 45 minutes from here. I'm cooking Christmas dinner. We're trying to go to an early evening church service. No, I can't go Christmas shopping for you.

If Mama knew it was Christmas, I would do anything to make it better for her. I will visit her tomorrow and I do have a little, useless gift that I hope she will enjoy. But whether or not she gets a gift from him tomorrow won't really make that much difference. She doesn't know it's Christmas or, usually, even who I am. (Alzheimer's.)

Jacob Marley must have visited my father, too, because he gave his driver and his driver's friend Christmas bonuses.

When I was little I always found it very exciting to go Christmas shopping with my father on Christmas Eve, getting things as the stores were locking up. Usually because he waited until the last minute he had to spend more, buying nice jewelry for her. That was great fun.

I guess I helped him do this every Christmas Eve until I was married and went North for the Potato Torture with my mother-in-law. That year my parents would have been 74. Lacking my supervision, my father bought my mother a CAMP STOVE. Yes, one of those things you cook with when you are camping. I chastised him, but the stores were closed when I heard about it.

This breaks all the rules. It's worse than a gift you plug in. It's something you cook with without electricity. She didn't leave him. I don't even think she complained. She probably acted excited.

She even used it when they went "camping" in their aged RV, which they used until they were almost 90.

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or whatever you celebrate. But please don't give anyone a camp stove.

Addiction to LOLcats Raises Many Questions

Does everybody in the world let their cats get on their tables and countertops? I'm beginning to wonder.

I don't have high standards. But feet that have been in the litter box do not belong on the table or the kitchen counter. I don't care how cute those feet are. Keep them away from my food!

Yet, when Lily and I feed our LOLcat addiction by checking in with icanhascheezburger (and we do LOL at the cats, sometimes even ROFL at the cats -- some of you Internets are really funny), I'm beginning to notice a trend.

About half of those cats are on some kind of human eating surface. That would be a table or countertop. I love cats. I also love cat-hair-free food.

moar funny pictures

I disapprove. At least in my house.

I even have an electrified Scat Mat. It's a flat mat that when an animal jumps on the table, they get a shock. This didn't work for Tiger. He just jumped to the part of the table where there was no mat and kept eating. Tiger now lives outside, where I think he is happy snuggling up with Parker, the dog, to sleep and catching wildlife. And he comes inside for supervised visits. We do have an indoor cat, Izzie, who is polite and would never dream of hopping on the table, clawing the furniture (she is not declawed but uses her cardboard clawing thingy we bought her), turning over the trashcan or waking me up to feed her. If her food bowl is empty, she comes to get me instead of turning over the open bag of food next to the bowl. We call her polite, but perhaps she is just stupid.

Here's a photo of Tiger on the outside and Izzie on the inside. She was not fully grown at that time. Click on the photo to enlarge.

Check Your Spelling and Breeding

I was just looking at my options for paid ads and came across one for a dog breeder. This kennel requires that you "check your spelling and breeding" before posting their ad.

Hmmm. Are they worried that their writers will not be well-bred, or are they concerned about whether or not their writers are good breeding stock (or are currently bred)? I'm not going there.

You want a dog, go to the pound.

People Who Need Slapping

I have a web site where I advertise my freelance writing services. Students and others mistake me for one of those on-line services where you can pay for a term paper, or get one for nothing. I'm going to start publishing these letters here and have added a new category: People Who Need Slapping.

I'm always appalled at the matter-of-factness of the request. Sure, yeah, let me send you a paper on that. Have one here in my drawer. Don't forget to change the name on it.

Our society has slipped one more notch in morality and ethics. I used to send advice (if they sounded like they were just frightened of doing their own work, I'd steer them on how to get started) and/or a lecture about how important it was to do your own work. I'm sure I turned many lives around with that lecture. Yes indeed. Sometimes I didn't bother to answer.

Here's one I received from a student this week:

Hi.I need a persuasive speech about parent should monitor their children's television watching.And it mus be writing in Monroe's motivated sequence style.And also include 7 ciatation from books, magazine, or journal.I would like to know how much you charge for it.I only need about 4-5 pages.Thanks

And one I received from a teacher wanting me to do HER work (notice no "please" or "thank you," or offer to pay , though I do realize she is not a native speaker):

My name is (DELETED) from Lebanon. I am an EFL grade ten teacher. I would like you to provide me with some persuasive writing samples about specific themes (or any themes) like: telivision, Fitness, Music, Alcoholism). moreover, I hope that you can send me samples of persuasive writing that need revision in order to let the students do this task (revision). I look forward to hearing from you.

Don't hold your breath.

 

Tennis, Christianity and "Grand Slams"

Until my parents got so infirm, I was on a tennis team. I'm a terrible tennis player but tennis is fun. (My father once watched a match and commented, "You sure are better at riding horses.")

There's something that I've been mulling over about tennis, Christianity, sportsmanship and appropriate strategy. In tennis in my town some people will intentionally hit you with a ball. One coach in town teaches his teams to aim at the other players and we were all extra prepared whenever we had to face them. A tennis ball can hurt -- or do serious damage to an eye. The justification for "grand slams" at you is to intimidate you, get you to move to a less aggressive location on the tennis court or to punish you for line calls or other behavior they don't like.

It's widely done. My husband found out he was playing against a doubles team where the woman had the reputation for hitting other players -- on purpose. Sure enough, she aimed at him four or five times (he was playing at the net). On the sixth try she hit him hard in the privates, and then acted surprised and apologetic.

He walked around for a while trying to calm down as much as anything else. He wasn't going to let her win this mental game through bad sportsmanship and intimidation.

When they resumed play, the woman's partner sent an easy lob to my husband. He says he doesn't know what came over him, but that ball was just hanging in the air, and the next thing he knew, he hit it harder than he has ever hit a ball and aimed it right at the woman who'd hit him. She got a racquet on it, so she wasn't hit, but she lost the point. She was furious. She yelled, "I said I'm sorry."

He said, "You might have been sorry for the time you hit me, but I don't think you're sorry for the five times you tried to hit me and missed. If you're going to live by the sword, you'd better be prepared to die by the sword."

She didn't hit any more shots at my husband or his partner. My husband feels bad about all this as it wasn't very gentlemanly or very Christian of him. I said it wasn't very ladylike of her.  Especially since she has a reputation for such things. Still, it's hard to think that intentionally hitting anyone is ever okay. We wouldn't tolerate this in our children.

I don't know her, but I know some Christian women players who have no guilt with hitting their opponents. One bragged to me about how she slammed one woman who kept making bad line calls. I was shocked by this. She plays as often as she can and she plays to win. She has called me to play with her, telling me she can teach me how to win. I have declined.

I was even more shocked when Lily was playing volleyball with this Christian woman's daughter, and the daughter slammed the ball into Lily. Apparently, she thought Lily was intentionally messing up their game. (Lily has my lack of skills in games involving balls.) Lily was physically and mentally hurt and shocked to be treated this way by a friend. The friend later explained that she had done it on purpose to teach Lily a lesson and apologized since she realized Lily wasn't playing like that on purpose....

When games quit being games, people need to quit playing.