LifePundit

A Master Procrastinator Reveals Her Secrets

There is no one who is better at procrastinating than me. I have some articles that were due last Friday. They are interesting articles I'm writing for one of my favorite clients. But I am stuck. It isn't writer's block. It's .... being a master procrastinator.

I will tell what I did today in hopes that you can learn from me. Writing this post is also one more task to help me achieve my procrastination goals.

Here’s what I’ve done today instead of finishing my articles:

• Vacuumed

• Mopped
• Cleared kitchenette area and cleaned it up (I’m talking moving furniture into the living room until we decide what to do with the old stuff) to make room for when the new table and chairs come tomorrow
• Reorganized part of laundry room (!!!)
• Six loads of laundry (no folding, though; we’ll be clean but wrinkled)
• And get this. Went to Lowe’s and bought stick-down vinyl tile, cut out the damaged part of the laundry room floor, and used a box cutter to cut the stick-down (non-matching) vinyl tile squares into shapes that resembled the part of the floor I cut out (not a very workmanlike fit) and stuck them down. They pretty much look like dooky but at least the old vinyl that was rolled back, tearing, splitting and catching on the laundry room door and breaking off into pieces is gone. Who knows. It looks so bad I might get a new floor out of this (way overdue), if Paul even notices it. However, that was not my intention. I thought I was suddenly a vinyl floor installer. The guy at Lowe’s told me how to do it. (I had to reglue part of the old floor around the edges where I cut the piece out). And even though I had picked up some stick-down tile a few months ago and finally decided which color was the closest, it was discontinued, so I picked out a color on the spot. Uh oh. The existing floor is a golden white; the pieced in squares are a grey-white.
  

Then, I had an appointment with a friend, which I decided not to cancel because that was yet another excuse not to write the articles -- plus she's leaving for Mexico tomorrow so I needed to wish her bon voyage, When I told her what I'd been up to she said that was an awful lot of work for procrastination and probably it would have been easier to just write the articles.  (I love her.)

 She also had some insight into how/why I get myself into this. When something is due, I take a militaristic approach to managing me. I say to myself that I can’t do anything fun until I’ve gotten my work done. She called this taking myself hostage. And, like any good hostage, I resist.

Then the next thing I did was to pick up Lily from school. But she didn't feel well, so I took her to the local

Doc in the Box. Lily is okay – unless she’s coming down with the flu, a virus or has a brain tumor on her pituitary gland. 

How comforting that last is.

There was guy at the doc’s who is one of those skating car hops at Sonic. He had just been run over by an SUV. The manager of Sonic stopped the SUV driver, who was mad that the car hop had “hit” his car. The guy looked pretty good for having been run over by an SUV. He was very chatty, a dreadlocked soul with tattoos who looked like the shock of it all was almost worse than the injuries, though I think he had a broken knee cap and was swaddled from hip to toe on one side with all manner of padded devices. I even overheard that maybe a hip was out of joint. Maybe he was chatty because they had him feeling little pain.

Okay, suppertime. Then I really will write those articles. I always do -- eventually.

The Treadmill Desk

Here's my new desk. It's the brownish-tannish board clamped down on the arms of my Christmas present from Paul (I asked for it: one should not receive a piece of exercise equipment unless one asks for it). He really struggled building this desk. I can write with no trouble at 2 mph, but it's difficult to use the mouse because my hand is moving. For a while I was having trouble getting a little bit seasick while I walk because apparently there's a little bit of waddle thrown in with the walk. If you notice on the left wall there's a small calendar there. I get a gold star for every day I walk. It's called an Honesty Calendar, and I've found I'll do anything for a gold star. No, rather, I'll do anything to have a calendar filled with gold stars and no voids. Or few voids.

Here's a better photo of the desk part. The colored fabric (blue) covering the clamps so as not to scratch the treadmill arms is VetWrap (also called CoFlex), which is used to bandage horses. You can't very well use sticky tape on a hairy leg. The desk can be removed so other people can use the treadmill. I find that I while I can write creatively and sometimes answer e-mails and talk on the phone on the treadmill, I'm not so good at blogging, so blogging has been light.
I'll try to add that to my treadmilling skills, but forgive me in advance for the typos. Can't walk, chew gum and spell right at the same time.

I feel better and I'm getting a lot of writing done. But the poor dog isn't getting to go on as many walks. Better go take him now before it gets down to 10 degrees or whatever awful thing it's supposed to do tonight. He and Tiger get to sleep inside. Izzie, the indoor cat, won't like that. Ah me. It's kind of like the Middle East, only I'm in charge and I say that the dog and outdoor cat get to stay. So there.

Off to walk outdoors. What a concept!

I Want a Dumpster for Christmas

This year for Christmas, I want the anti-gift. I want a dumpster.

I asked for a dumpster once before. Paul said they are too expensive. Paul is frugal. I don't get diamonds or dumpsters.

I'm doing my big, end-of-year Dung Shui, and Everything Must Go. This feels very therapeutic, especially with so many misbehaving people in my life. I can't declutter people from my life, but I can declutter stuff.

Lily started it. She wants to repaint her room and get rid of all the animal prints and other things she considers childish. She's purged everything and most of it has gone to Goodwill. I got in the spirit of things and sent some fancy evening dresses I no longer have anywhere to wear. The lady at Goodwill was thrilled and said that she would put them out immediately because there were girls looking for party clothes.

And I'm not making this up -- as soon as I got home I received an invitation to a black tie dance. if you want to get invited to a party, get rid of your party clothes.

Still, I'm going to keep getting rid of stuff that isn't useful or beautiful. And though I don't quite know what I will wear to that dance, I hope those girls have a great time in my evening dresses. Something will turn up for me (it's probably forgotten in the back of a closet) and I'm thrilled that things I wasn't using (I thought) will bring others joy.

I guess there's a reason it's called Goodwill.

Our New Heat Pump

UPDATE: 5:00 p.m.

The heat pump is so loud it sounds like somebody is in the shower. What's more, the air coming out of the vents is cold and the thermostat says that the emergency heat strip is on. The indoor temp continues to drop. I have turned the whole mess off. It's probably using the emergency heat strip to warm the great outdoors.

ORIGINAL POST:

I am trying to right a book and I guess I should move. We're having a new heat pump installed and the closet where it lives is in the room next to where I'm attempting to work. There are three service people here and I'm not sure they've ever done this before.

These folks are not inspiring confidence. They just set off our smoke alarm using a torch to.... burn up our new heat pump. I don't know. The alarm is loud and I'm ignoring it.

Here's what I've overheard in the last few minutes:

"It's the inside of the cabinet that's caught on fire."

"I've never seen one of these things before. Where does it go?"

"Don't use the torch too close there. You're melting the Teflon."

"It's got three of these and one of those. That don't match what I need to connect."

Now they just told me that I must have a very sensitive smoke alarm because they didn't really burn up very much. Just some insulation. I mentioned that perhaps the insulation was a good thing for the heat pump to have, and they assured me that it was just "glazed over."

That makes two of us.

I want heat. Not fire.

"You Would Be Totally Irresponsible to Lend Me That Much Money!"

Fourteen years ago Paul and I applied for a loan to build and pay for our current house. After submitting all our financial information, which was not so impressive, the mortgage lender came back with an astronomical figure for how much money they were willing to lend us.

Paul was astounded. He looked the banker in the eye and said with complete sincerity, "You would be totally irresponsible to lend me that much money."

Fortunately, we knew what was good for us and borrowed what we could afford, not what they were willing to lend us.

Don't people know that borrowed money isn't free, and that you have to pay it back? And now we're supposed to pay $700 billion for the people who borrowed more than they could afford?

I know that's an oversimplification, but it's a symptom of a society where politicians seek and retain power by giving away what isn't theirs -- and leaving the rest of us to pay for it.

More later.

Blogging is Too Much Fun to be Permissable Procrastination Tool

Nancy, you missed me! Thank you!

I haven't been blogging for three reasons:

1. I didn't have anything nice to say, and so I didn't say anything;

2. When I wasn't whining about how nothing works in this house, I was out having fun with friends (yes, I have one or two left) or inside getting really mad at technology and putting more duct tape on my computer (figuratively speaking) because I'm not about to get a new one as long as they all come with Vista;

3. I've had a chance to "audition" to be a speech writer for a person (non-politician) for whom I'd very much like to be a speech writer. I'd like to say that I've been working non-stop to land this great gig, but I've mainly been stressing over it, losing sleep and doing acceptable procrastination activities, such as cleaning my office, doing laundry, exercising and hauling lightning-damaged electrical equipment to the dump. I also took two carloads of stuff to the church garage sale (proceeds go to Habitat). I didn't allow myself to blog because blogging is fun and nothing fun is allowed while procrastinating.

Approved procrastination activities are the things you should do every day or every week, but save them up until you have a project.

If my house is clean, my laundry is sparklingly done and my blown TVs are in the dump, you know I am procrastinating heavily.

There are others "auditioning" for the speech writer job. I sent my speech in yesterday and am not sure how I feel about it. I don't know the man, have never met him, and have only seen short clips of him on the Internet. I don't know his message or his style or what he wanted to say to this particular audience. I don't know the history or future plans of the institution he heads, though I am impressed by it. I suspect my style is too conversational and not eloquent and dignified enough, but who knows. Maybe he'll like it. I have him being humorous in several places in the speech I wrote for him, which is something entirely missing from everything else I've seen or read that he's done. He's more a "thousand points of light" kind of guy than a "did you hear the one about ....." fellow.

Still, all audiences like a little levity, and I don't think he's anti-humor. Or maybe I'm just not all that funny. Or maybe I am funny and he's not. Or maybe he'll love me because he'll love the adoration of awake, laughing audiences. Assuming he gives the speech a try and doesn't use one of my competitor's more grandiose ones that start off with stupid, convoluted structures like "Four-score and seven...." Who'd hang around and listen to that? Nothing memorable there.

Anyway, in theory, I would love this steady work and love to write speeches (especially since I don't have to give them, in case the jokes fail). But, if he doesn't feel like my style works for him, it probably wouldn't be a good fit anyway.

In the meantime, you won't believe how clean my house is.

He Promised Me a Rose Garden

I've been buying myself flowers but that may end because I'll be cutting flowers out of my own yard. Roses! Paul has promised me this rose garden (the roses in the photo montage). He's going to plant the roses, put in a drip or soaker system, and then I get to do the rest. (Which I hope will be growing roses and not killing roses.) I used to grow roses before Lily was born. I was covered over in roses of all kinds, from antique roses with packed, curled faces (and heavenly aromas) to experimental roses I got to report on to tree roses to about 25 hybrid teas.

All you have to do to grow roses is start with good stock, plant them correctly and in full soon, water them regularly, spray once a week and feed them. I'm a little worried about the sunshine here -- so many trees (except in the pasture, and horses eat roses so that won't do).

I can smell them already. Will be reporting back.

Spring is ... Brown!

Here's a tablecloth I didn't buy at Bed Bath & Beyond. It was the most cheerful they had short of something too cheerful such as you'd find on a beach in the Caribbean. Somebody with style and imagination could make this one look all springy and serene, but not me.

I'm grateful for what we have, I honestly am. We've been eating off the same Villeroy & Boch everyday china since we got married in 1985. Every day we use it for every single meal and I think I cook and we eat at least six times a day. It's lovely, really, and very durable. We've broken very little. I'm truly grateful and am wondering if it's going to outlive me, which would be fine. It's discontinued. So am I. And I'm glad to have it -- really I am. Here's a photo:

Yes, this pattern looks springy. But I've been looking at these springy plates for close to 23 years. They don't look springy anymore. They look like plates. I don't think spring when I see them. I think, "Uh oh. Don't know what's for supper. Again."

But now it's spring. And I'd like to look at something different. I know I could go out and buy a box of cheap fun china from somewhere (like I did in grad school) and have a change of pace, or at least something different to look at, but I can't write about people starving to death one day and then write about how I'm bored with my plates and so I bought new ones (that won't hold up as well) just because I could. (Plus where do you put it all? Send my existing everyday china to Somalia to make room?)

But I can justify going out to get a fresh new, non-stained, colorful spring tablecloth. I'll take vinyl. I'll take cloth. I don't care. Just give my eyes a break. So I went to the mall and I'm here to tell you that spring has sprung -- and it's brown.

I like brown. But not for a spring tablecloth. Target also had wimpy green, sophisticated black and white, an understated soft blue-green that matches the Albertina, and a navy ikat. And lots of brown. Brown, brown and beige. Is it fall and nobody told me? Here's a very pretty table runner that would clash with my plates, but I'd buy it anyway. Except it doesn't look springy.

If you want colors you have to  get vinyl outdoor tablecloths, but I don't want to have to wear my sunglasses at supper. I'm all for garish -- outdoors.

All things considered, if all I have to complain about is that I can't find a tablecloth I like, life is good. Really good.

Hope it is for you, too. Happy Brown Spring!

How to Save Money on Cereal AND Decorate Your Home

You save money if you buy in quantity. But unless you bought your house in quantity, that is, you bought a big house with lots of closets, you may struggle with where to put that case of toilet paper, 300 plastic spoons and other bargains.

I spend a fortune on groceries, so when I saw that Amazon was running a special promotion on cereal products ($20 off your order of $50 or more), I jumped at the chance to stock up. It arrived today by second-day air in a great big box I could hardly carry. I don't have anywhere to put this stockpile of cereal. So I thought now would be a good time to exercise my creativity in interior design. (Click on photos to enlarge.)

First I added some romance to the bedroom by  supplementing our  over-abundance of pillows with Smart Start. Gives it a cozy-but-healthy, up-and-at-'em look, don't you think?

Then I decided to add some color to my neutral toned living room with some Product 19. The red's a nice touch and helps balance out the room's toss-pillow deficiencies.

And when you just don't think you can climb those stairs one more time, how about some Frosted Mini-Wheats to keep you going? Besides, the repetition makes a fine design element and is sure to get me a place in "The Anals of Home Design Magazine."

Extremely Cheerful Valances Finished

I think I'm happy. The good news is that I finished my valances (after twelve years of living here....) The good news is that I finished my extremely cheerful valances. The question is -- how much extreme cheerfulness can I stand? (CLICK ON PHOTOS TO ENLARGE.)

Lily loves them, and they hang where she does her homework and I work out. So there. It's a huge success. I will not say out loud: What was I thinking? They're only a little over the top. No pun intended.

To see "before" photos, click this post. I prefer bathrobes to curtains. I couldn't think of what I wanted to do with these windows in The Void. The Void needed something, though, to tie it together. To give it some, well, cheerfulness.

Can you be too cheerful? Not me. Not even close. These valances might be, though. Lily and I picked out the fabric together. I was going to do a sophisticated black and white woodcut-looking graphic, but I think she thought it looked scary, and she loved the blue flowers.... So, we have blue flowers. I'm sure they will grow on me. Then there was the fringe. The valances I picked out in the book, The Complete Photo Guide to Window Top Treatments, had a fringe on them, which gave them a finished look. I think I should have skipped the fringe, but I already bought it and the medium-sized girls who were spending the night all thought it was great, so we have fringe. The circus has come to town.

They're in two parts, a complete black and white stripped valance below, with a blue-flowered topper on top. (Where else?)

I didn't have craft paper, so I used Christmas paper to make the pattern, which I highly recommend. Here's the pattern for the black and white valance.

And here's the pattern for the triangle-shaped topper, hanging in place while I try to figure out exactly what I want here. (It was highly tempting to stop with the striped under-valance.)

I hate to sew, but I have a great machine to use and never hope to have another one. It was my grandmother's and I think it is older than I am. It is one of my most highly valued possessions, because it works. It does two things, and it does them very well: it sews forwards in a straight line and it can sew backwards in a straight line. That's all I ask. And in spite of its tiny size and age, it can sew through anything. I need to get it in for maintenance but I don't know whom to trust it with. It is that nice. Every sewing machine person who ever saw it wanted to buy it. Not for sale. This old portable Singer sewing machine is one of the best designed, most well-made things on the planet. Now that I've said that, it will die.

The plan for the rest of the room is to hang up black-framed photos of happy events in our lives. It's hard to bring myself to put hammer and nail to freshly painted walls.

Anyway. The valances are done. And I'm so very cheerful I think I'll go paint roosters on my kitchen cabinet doors next.