Paul's birthday is this weekend, so we are going out to dinner with his parents.
Did I mention that I am covered over with old people? We've got my parents, who are 95 and in frail condition. So Paul's parents moved down here so we could take care of them, too. They are in their 70s and at the retirement community where they party all the time. I couldn't keep up with them. It's like a country club and a middle-school clique, all rolled into one.
But I shouldn't complain about being covered over with old people, because I know that the clock is ticking pretty loudly for my own parents. And I grieve.
Still, some people are easier to deal with than others. And you won't find my mother-in-law's name on anybody's list of people who are easy to deal with.
I haven't figured out what is the Christian response to a person like her. I know I'm supposed to love her, but I'm not good enough to conjure love where there is none. Paul had to explain her outlandish behavior to Lily, and I think he summed it up well when he said, "You just have to understand that Granny is a dog who bites."
If you want to see Granny's picture, just google "Narcissistic Personality Disorder."
Granny has so damaged her relationship with Lily that Lily will hardly
speak to her. We force Lily to be polite, as she must be to all
grown-ups. She will never have to be alone with Granny again, though.
Still, Lily is wary and Granny knows why. So what does Granny say?
"Lily, you go to church, yet you aren't a very good person because you
don't forgive me."
Incidentally, Granny has never admitted that she did anything requiring
forgiveness. But now I'm getting cranked up and I am determined not to
go there on this blog -- or any other area of my life. I cannot change
Granny, and so far I cannot change my reaction to her, but I can change
me. Surely.
I dread tonight's dinner, like I dread all interactions with her. I have tried to find a biblical approach to dealing with her. Sometimes I think she falls in the category of allowing me to shake the dust off my sandals and get the heck out of there. I have given up on getting through to her. She only hears what serves her. I know I'm supposed to love her, but I am not able. The best I can do is pray for her -- and even more for me.
You see, I don't like who I am around her. I don't like who I am before we get together, when I am stewing about what she might say/do this time. And I don't like who I am after we get together, when I am stewing about what she actually said/did this time. Truly, the best thing to do is to avoid her. I should be a bigger person, but I'm not.
But I'm going tonight. It is Paul's birthday. He hates to see his parents, too, but he is a Good Son so they are invited. And I try to be a good wife, lover and friend, so I, too, will go.
Happy Birthday, Paul. At least we know the food will be good.