LifePundit

Domestic Rule #2: What to do about bacon

You are allowed to purchase bacon once a year. Otherwise, you are not allowed to buy bacon. Don't act like this is a surprise to you. Everybody knows what's wrong with bacon. Other than the taste, everything is wrong with bacon.

However, if you go somewhere and they offer bacon (such as a breakfast bar), you can have all you want. You can also have all you want when you are on vacation. In fact, as long as you didn't go to the breakfast bar just because they have bacon, you are required to have bacon.

These rules do not apply if your religion forbids it, though I think I would try to find a loophole somewhere.

For example, a friend of a friend keeps a kosher kitchen. Two sets of plates and cookware, two dishwashers, everything that is needed to follow dietary rules. Still, this is the South. Barbecue is good. If you live in the South, it is required that you eat barbecue. But how to do it without breaking the dietary rules and tainting your kitchen? Get take-out barbecue and eat it off of paper plates with plastic forks and knives.

I'm not making this up. This is what I am told that they do. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to eat barbecue.

Domestic Rule #1: When making your bed involves a sleeping cat

A new addition to LifePundit! Domestic Rules to help you improve your life.

Domestic Rule #1: Everything you need to know about making your bed

Make your bed every day. You will earn an allowance for this, though you may never actually collect it. However, the rules change if making your bed will disturb a sleeping cat. If you cannot make the bed without disturbing the cat, do not make it. If the cat gets up later and you are still at home, you must make the bed then. However, if you have already left for work or wherever it is that you need to be, you are excused from making the bed that day and you will still receive your allowance, though you probably will never collect it.