The Gay Girl on the Church Retreat

Lily just got back from her first church retreat. She went with 500 middle-schoolers from around the state to a weekend retreat in the mountains. I've been using the time she's been away to write my novel and to date my husband, which has been great.

As usual, I'm not prepared for what happened next. Apparently, Lily feels like she was "hit on" by a lesbian girl at the retreat. (And here I was, worried about her loose with the boys.)

Well, well. What to say? Since I didn't know what to say, I did something even better. I listened. It was an accident that I didn't preach to her....about....something. But since I had no idea what the something was, I listened.

The girl's behavior did sound too friendly and off-putting. She did write messages that were a little over-the-top for an acquaintance of any gender. I don't know if the girl was gay or not, but I do know that my girl was uncomfortable by her approaches and attention.

I hope I said that I was proud of Lily for being polite and steady, but I might have only thought that. I do know that I said I was sorry -- for her and for the other girl. What a toughie for middle-schoolers.

Whatever Lily is going to become is already in process. I could pound on her with a hammer to make her what I want her to be, but I think it would break the hammer. At this point, the best I can do is be a cheerleader for her to make the right choices and to treat people the way she would want to be treated. And pray for everybody.

Churches and denominations are splitting over the issue of homosexuality. Because I know people who chose and experimented with homosexuality for a while only to ditch it when the novelty wore off, I don't think homosexuality should be viewed as a standard life choice. If you chose to be gay, you really ought to straighten yourself out. However, because I know and care about people for whom it was not an option but the way they were created by the same creator who created me, I cannot pass judgment on them. I believe that some people were born gay. Knowing them has enriched and blessed my life.

A few years ago, before they came out with the AIDS' drug cocktails, a gay friend came to tell me that he was HIV-positive. Again, it was a good thing that I didn't know what to say so I shut up and listened. All I could offer was hope and concern. He eventually got around to talking about God and faith, so I invited him to go with me to church as he wasn't a member of any faith community.

He turned me down, saying he wouldn't be welcome there. It took me a while to realize it, but I'm afraid he was very close to right.

Which is the greater sin, to be gay, or to be a congregation that doesn't welcome one of God's children in need?

I don't have the answer to this very divisive and inflammatory issue. I can quote you scripture that's abundantly clear that this is not the preferred lifestyle (can I be euphemistic or what?). Then I can introduce you to people I believe were created a little differently. I do not believe that they chose to be gay anymore than I chose to be short.

The only thing I am sure of is that we're supposed to love them just as Christ does.

Comments

[Bear]

Wait... you're short? Well I'll try not to let that put a strain on our friendship.

I'm with your thoughts one hundred percent... and so well handled with Lily too.

[jae]

I've come to a point where I love the people in my life. Period. God judges and there's a lot of things the Bible speaks directly about but people do anyway and hope for a pass on. Drunkenness, gossip, etc.

As for the girl, it's possible the girl has other issues that make defining boundaries and maintaining them an issue. I dealt with a similar situation a year and a half ago in grad school. I distinctly felt 'hit on' by this girl. It turned out she had other problems and needed some help. I'm willing to wager at that age, it could very well be a similar issue.

But then two of my daughter's school friends announced they were dating. Each other. Both girls. It's possible, but the one has a notorious history of attention seeking for what she thinks are shocking behaviors. Another "other issues" example maybe.

Whatever, sounds like Lily handled it well.