"I Hate the Way You Breathe"

(Image: Edwin Forrest as King Lear)

I've started several posts lately and have deleted them all. I don't know if I still have regular readers left, but for those of you who know my situation, my father turned 96 in August. We celebrated with a home-made cake, but there's getting to be less and less to celebrate.

On this blog I've tried to write only good things, or funny things, about other people, which has sometimes resulted in my whitewashing certain people. But I have to confess that my situation with my father and Non-Saintly Brother is moving from being in "King Lear" to being on the Jerry Springer Show.  That's more than you need to know and all that I will tell.

So, I'm launching a new category to get away from it all: Teenagers!

Each day I offend teenage sensibilities. I find my offenses quite funny, and hope you will, too. But before I start relating my abundant sins, I'm going to tell a friend's story.

This friend, whom I'll call Becky because that's her name, had a teenage son who found her quite distressing. In particular, he hated the way she sang in the car while driving him places.

"Mom, would you please quit singing?" he demanded. So she did.

"Mom! Quit humming!" So she did.

They went along, driving in silence, when suddenly he complained again, this time in total exasperation. "Mom! I HATE the way you breathe."

So far, my breathing has not come under criticism. But here are the things I've done wrong today:

1. Was not funny when I thought I was;
2. Called the dog "Waggles" (not his name);
3. Issued small but apparently extremely offensive burp;
4. Have hair that sticks up in the back (I was fresh from the beauty shop and paid extra for that little touch);
5. Am going out to dinner with friends and leaving Paul to cook pork chops on the grill;
6. Let the horses graze in the side yard without supervision (it's fenced).

But I got revenge. I dropped her off at  her second piano lesson this week and she's been there for hours. Lily has to play at a reception for the philharmonic's new conductor on Saturday, and in preparation the teacher is going to keep Lily at her lesson today until Lily achieves perfection.

Piano teachers: the best revenge on teenage daughters.

Comments

[jae]

I LOVE your piano teacher!

[Bear]

Families...! Life would be a lot easier and less challenging without them. But it would also be very empty too.

Me and and my angry friend have you in our thoughts.

[Kate]

I found your blog quite by accident. I was googling the maco, NC train ghost while having snack with my 12 and 9 and 14 year old boys (sister, 16, at horseback riding). My 12 yr. old had checked out a Carolinas ghost book and we were just curious aka -mom trying to stay connected to boys. Up came your childhood story @ the ghost then the rest of your blog. My very sketchy, random, desperate prayers, for my own 85 yr. old mom in some stage of dementia, were suddenly enlightened by your very amazing blog. I am a major blog avoider. I have two lovely family members who have equally as lovely blogs, seeped in joy, joy and more joy. Yet, I am very unjoyfully overloaded when I try to relate.
My mother has your mother-in-law's personality and is now encumbered in stages of dementia. Life can turn to sandwich generation hell in a heartbeat.
I also have the king of nutty, non-saintly brothers - my only sibling.
Do not spare us the Jerry Springer Show stories. My life, like it or not, has been plunged into Jerry Springer/One Flew Over the CooCoo's Nest hell. If I end up being the CooCoo that flies, life will not be fair to my precious 4 children and very wonderful husband.
Your blog was God's very amazing answer to my prayers. "Hey Kathy, you are not alone."
Thank you and thank you, God.
Kate