Lily's not allowed to use IM. She can use e-mail or the telephone to contact her friends. Or can text-message them on her cell phone. Usually she and her friends exchange photos of new haircuts, embarrassing pictures of siblings and parents, and cute animals. I hope the trend continues.
We never thought we'd get her a cell phone until she was driving, but her new school changed that. (More about this tomorrow.) We thought it was a safety issue.
The fifth-grade girl bully at her private school used IM to torment her rivals. At one point the bully learned another girl's password, went online and impersonated that girl, and did all she could to anger and alienate her rival's friends. In fifth grade.
And now the Christian Science Monitor reports that For Teen Daters, A Cell Phone Can be an Abusive Leash. Here's part of the story:
For teens, cellphones are an essential tool for everything from social networking to video games. For parents, knowing their child has a cellphone provides a sense of security. But for a substantial number of teens who are dating, communications on cellphones and computers are taking a turn toward obsession and abuse.
It's a side of kids' social lives that many parents aren't aware of, according to a study released last week by Liz Claiborne Inc. In partnership with the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the company has also just launched loveisrespect.org, the first national website and 24-hour help line that specifically addresses teen dating abuse.
In the survey, conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, 20 to 30 percent of teens who had been in relationships said their partner had constantly checked in on them, had harassed or insulted them, or had made unwanted requests for sexual activity, all via cellphones or text messages. One out of 4 reported hourly contact with a dating partner between midnight and 5 a.m. – in some cases, 30 times per hour. And 1 out of 10 had received physical threats electronically. A much smaller percentage of parents reported that their teens had had such experiences.
"Dating violence has always had this core feature ... of trying to control the thoughts, feelings, and actions of another person," says Julie Kahn, program director of the Transition House Dating Violence Intervention Program in Cambridge, Mass. "When you add the technological piece, there are more ways to track someone, to keep someone on an 'electronic leash,' if you will."
There have always been abusers and bullies. What's new is how clueless we parents are to the ways technology can be used to hurt and control others.
Lily turns 13 this weekend. All she wants is horse stuff, including getting the trailer repainted. Just hope this passion lasts.
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