Advice to Mothers-in-Law

Ah me. I've tried to resist. If you're a mother-in-law, here's some good advice:

1. Don't leave nasty voicemails, especially ones screaming, "I know you're there! Pick up the phone. Oh for G-d's sake, pick up the phone! etc." Maybe we're not here. Ever thought of that?
   And when we do get back home, guess what -- your granddaughter has taped that message you just bellowed into our phone and she's got it where that's what my cell phone plays, instead of a ring tone, whenever you call me. Puts me just in the right mood to talk to you.
2. If you give us something you no longer want, assume we'll believe it's ours. We are not a storage facility for things you don't need right now. When you call two years later and want X item back, don't get mad if we gave it away, broke it, lost it or burned it. As I said, when you gave it to us, that made us think it was ours.
3. If you publish your memoirs and put in photos and stories about your friends and cousins, including their first marriages and second marriages, but leave out the photos of your sons' weddings and never mention or show any of your daughters-in-law, there's a chance that at least one of us will feel slighted. If you do this and don't get rave reviews from your family about how great the book is, especially the parts about your old friends' and relatives' second weddings, don't go around complaining that "nobody in the family will read my book, but all my friends love it." Maybe people in your family HAVE read your book. If they're not gushing with delight, there just might be a reason.
4. If you're going to spend your whole time with us complaining about how we don't spend time with you (and who would?), don't be surprised if we choose not to spend time with you.
5. "You've gotten fat and have zits!" is not the correct phrase for greeting a grandson who begged to stay up late to see you. He won't do that again.
6. If you've done something terrible to a family member, at least say you're sorry before you tell them that they're not very good Christians for taking offense.
7. I could go on. I don't want to think about it right now.

Comments

[Angry]

This is just advice, not drawn from actual conversations, right...? You know... hypothetical, right...?

[I Gallop On]

Resistance is futile.

I have similar lists of my own, but not about my mother in law, but other interesting people in my life. Sometimes I just can't help myself from going there. Sometimes I just need to get it off my chest.

;-) Kimberly

[Anne]

I really shouldn't have published this. But of course it is completely hypothetical. Completely. Who could make this kind of stuff up unless they were really sick?