Sandwich generation and the Alzheimer's unit

You don't get many beautiful moments in the Alzheimer's unit, but when you do, they are full of enormous grace and beauty. We were fortunate that Mama was in a good place, but it was still an Alzheimer's unit. My mother was always glad to see us and still knew us consistently then, even if she was sure that we were there to pick her up and take her home (though she couldn't exactly say which home, as she didn't even recognize it). Lily, who was around 10, would go with me and was a good sport, though I know it was hard to have different residents think she had come to see them, etc.

One day Lily got bored while we were visiting. Well, truthfully, Lily always got bored when we were visiting. That's what it means to be a sandwicher, trying to juggle the needs of your child while helping your parents. The Alzheimer's unit had a piano, and one day Lily wandered over to it. Since nobody intervened, she slipped onto the bench and started playing softly. Now, her repertoire was pretty limited, especially without her music books. But she knew a few hymns, patriotic songs and Maryanne, whatever that song is, by heart. And the residents started to perk up and gather around. The staff suggested that Lily play louder, so she did.

A wondrous thing happened. The residents began to sing! Some had beautiful voices. And even though they might not know the names of their children, they remembered the words to "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," "America the Beautiful," and a couple of hymns. They sang and sang. The room became alive. It didn't matter that Lily didn't know many songs. The Alzheimer's patients didn't care or notice how many times she played the same things over and over again. They kept singing.

The staff was smiling. The residents were clapping and laughing. One lady kept walking up to Lily and patting her on the back and asking, "How old are you?" Moments later she would return and repeat.

My mother turned to the people around her and said, "That's my granddaughter. That's my granddaughter." And she was beaming.

Lily kept looking at me in amazement, and shrugging as if to say, "What now?"

I said, "Keep playing." She started playing a song I don't know: Maryanne. But the residents knew it. Lily didn't even know that it had words, but at one part, this elderly man would boom, "Maryanne." Lily jumped the first time, then quietly giggled to herself.

Lily got tired of it all before they did, and it was time to leave. But that day had started something. Every time we went from then on, Lily brought her music. There's nothing like an appreciative audience to inspire you to practice and play.

Now that Mama is in the nursing center, Lily keeps asking, "Can we go over to the Alzheimer's unit so I can play for those people?" We spend so little time with my parents as it is that we haven't done this yet. But maybe one day.

One more thing. The staff told me that there's another thing the residents haven't forgotten. When they have Sunday services (it is a Lutheran nursing home), the residents say the scripture along with the minister.

That's not going to happen when we Boomers get to the old age home. Though some of us are excellent bible students, a great many of us (me) don't have a thing memorized. We'll be singing the theme to "Gilligan's Island" instead. Just hope somebody will think to play it on the piano for us.

Comments

[Nancy]

My mother was also an Alzheimer's patient, and she remembered the words to every hymn she'd ever learned long after almost everything else was gone. In fact, after she got sick, she started singing a hymn I'd never heard before (she must have learned it as a child from her
Baptist mother--I was raised a Methodist). The hymn was called "Precious Memories," and I had it sung at her funeral.

Tell Lily to keep playing for the Alzheimer's patients (maybe you could make a recording and play it for your mother in the skilled nursing unit?). Music works so well for them that I don't know why the activity directors don't plan a whole lot more musical events.

As for me, when I move to assisted living, I hope they'll play some Rolling Stones and Grateful Dead tunes to calm me down!

[Anne]

Thanks for stopping by!

I didn't make the connection at first. She loses most of her memories, then remembers a song you don't know named "Precious Memories." Wow. That's almost too much.

Good idea about making a tape. That will be a good thing for me to do the next time I want to procrastinate, which will be in about five minutes.

By the time we get to assisted living, they probably will be playing Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead. Of course, we won't be able to hear it because we listened to it played too loudly in college....

[Sharon K. Brothers]

Thanks for a lovely story. I've linked to your story in my blog today: http://caregivingcrossroads.blogspot.com/2007/09/honoring-those-who-share-their-talents.html

Thanks for sharing it with us all.

[Anne]

Thanks for the comment and the link, Sharon. The thing about helping the residents was that it was as much of a joy for us as for them. Once you get past the horror of Alzheimer's, you can see the people. They don't have a lot of joy in their lives -- mainly confusion and distress. To help them escape is a gift to yourself.

You're doing good work over at your blog. I know it must help a lot of people.