I heard on the news today that Mother Teresa's letters, which are being published, show a deep struggle and darkness in her soul. She did not feel God's presence, and she wrestled with doubt.
My first reaction, I'm sorry to say, was, "Whew! What a relief!" I'm sorry for her suffering, but I'm glad to know that even she had doubts and darkness. I've often wondered how there is Mother Teresa -- and then the rest of us. Turns out she is also the rest of us.
I'm encouraged by her life of selfless giving. And shamed by it. I do so little.
And I'm also encouraged that it was not as easy for her as it looked. Then, when I reflect a little deeper, I am even more challenged. Her life and service were powered by a stand-alone faith.
I, too, struggle with darkness and doubt. I think all thinking Christians do. I think that's why God gave us minds and choices. He does not want shallow faith, but faith that overcomes doubt and performs in love. I often feel his presence, usually when I'm left with nothing else. And when I'm not in that abyss, I take comfort knowing that he's here, as close as the air I breathe, whether I can feel it or not. God is not dependent on my feelings, but on his own reality.
Many, if not most, if not all, great Christians have wrestled with doubt. Even John the Baptist. When he was waiting in jail, he sent a question to Jesus: Are you The One, or are we waiting for another? Because, you see, Jesus wasn't doing what John and the rest thought he would do. If I were John sitting in jail, I'd probably have demanded that Jesus Get Me Out of There.
(Matthew 11: 4-6, The Message): Jesus told them, "Go back and tell John what's going on:
The blind see,
The lame walk,
Lepers are cleansed,
The deaf hear,
The dead are raised,
The wretched of the earth learn that God is on their side.
"Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves most blessed!"
Just what are we expecting? I know in my own life the question I should be asking is, "Just what is God expecting of me?"
Mother Teresa knew what God expected of her, and she did it. She didn't rely on "feelings." She went on faith.
You can find much (and much better thought out and written) information on The Dark Night of the Soul. All Christians have been there. Some get out of their own. My friends and family, helped by God, hauled me out of that deep, deep hole.
As Christians, we can learn from Mother Teresa how faith can overcome doubt. I find comfort, though a cold comfort because of her suffering, in that.
I worry that the aggressive atheists among us will use Mother Teresa's honest letters to sully the beauty of her life and service. Her whole life was a testimony to the reality and goodness of God. Now it will be used, or attempt to be used, as "proof" that he doesn't exist.
Lord, I believe. Forgive my unbelief.
Comments